


Dream a Little Dream of Me

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Everybody Feels, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Falling In Love, Heavy Angst, Hurt Steve Rogers, Idiots in Love, Infinity Stones, Let me know if I forgot any tags, M/M, Memory Loss, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Science Fiction Medical explanations, Science Geek Bucky Barnes, Separate Childhoods, Steve Rogers Feels, Thanos is defeated in Wakanda, Time Travel, WWII Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:08:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24117016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: The Avengers defeat Thanos in Wakanda, but Bucky dies.  Steve snaps and then the Stones read his feelings and give him a chance to save some people.  None of the Avengers die in the battle.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Sarah Rogers/Dr. Abram Erskine
Comments: 24
Kudos: 73





	Dream a Little Dream of Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilverRowan_Ivy630951](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverRowan_Ivy630951/gifts).



> This started with one sentence in my head. It didn't go anywhere at first, but then I had a conversation with a friend and it came together. Some of you are going to read this and get annoyed with me. I don't meant to upset anyone, so if you start reading and don't like it, just hit the back button and move on.

**_Present_ **

Steve wakes to the smell of coffee and bacon. He doesn’t know which of his teammates came to fix him breakfast, he just knows that it’s going to make for a better day. Most days, he gets up, runs, grabs something on his way back, and spends his day in the gym and on days when inspiration strikes, he draws. That doesn’t happen often.

He stays, lounging on the bed for a few extra minutes. If it’s Natasha, she’ll fix the food and leave after. She does it sometimes, just to let him know that he’s not alone. She doesn’t expect thanks or acknowledgement. If it’s Bruce, he’ll thank him later when he sees him after his run. The man will blush, but give a heartfelt ‘you’re welcome.’ If it’s Tony…no, it wouldn’t be Tony. He’d just send food up from the café downstairs. They’re good people, as good as any that he’s met, but he still doesn’t know how to take them most of the time.

Sitting up, Steve looks towards the window. It’s grey outside. Getting up and pulling the curtains aside, he sees heavy drops of rain and lightening. So, he’ll be running in the gym today. His right arm itches and when he reaches down to scratch, he sees how pink the skin is. He can’t remember why, maybe he got burned, but he doesn’t remember that happening. Just as he’s about to ask FRIDAY, he hears pans being moved around in the kitchen and then he hears a voice from his past that nearly knocks him off his feet.

“Abram, if that boy doesn’t get up soon, I’m going to pour a glass of water over his head.” There’s a deep chuckle and the trill of laughter joins in that he remembers from his childhood. A laugh he’s missed desperately. Steve steps a few feet across the floor and freezes when the voice comes closer to his open door. “Steven Grant Rogers, you may be a grown man and live a superhero life, but if you don’t get up, I’m…”

She’s in the doorway now and sees the look of horror and shock on her son’s face. “Ma?” The serum is a miracle in so many ways, but it doesn’t protect against ghosts. 

Steve’s knees give out and as he falls to the floor, he hears his mother’s cry. “ABRAM!” Everything goes black after that.

Steve wakes for the second time that morning to Tony and Bruce’s voices. Tony must have found out that Bruce was going to fix Steve breakfast and followed to mooch. He doesn’t open his eyes because he needs to ground himself in the here and now. That dream was too real, too wanted, too heartbreaking. There’s just one other thing that would have made it perfect.

He’s just about ready to sit up and tell the men to shut up or get him coffee, when _the_ voice invades. “Any idea why he passed out, Tony?”

He sits up too fast. “Bucky?”

Steve’s head spins and he has to reach out to steady himself on the edge of the bed. Bucky rushes over, sitting on the bed, taking Steve’s face in his hands. “Hold up, pal. We’re still trying to figure out what happened.” Bucky’s hands are calloused and the feel of it on the cheeks is so real. Wrapping his left hand around Bucky’s wrist, his right hand twists in his shirt, Steve stares disbelieving. Both of Bucky’s hands are flesh and he looks at the man’s left arm.

Tears well up in Steve’s eyes and a choked sob comes from deep in his chest. Reaching out, he pulls Bucky into a hug. “Bucky?” If this is a dream, he doesn’t want to wake up. It’s just as devastating as the other, but so, so good. Clinging to his best friend, he cries, until the door opens and his Ma and Dr. Erskine step into the room.

She rushes to the bed, sitting on the opposite side from Bucky, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “Hush now, stoirin.” His sobs increase at the endearment he hasn’t heard since a few weeks before she died. “Bruce dear, what is happening?”

Bruce looks over, at a complete loss about the catalyst for Steve’s behavior. “Mrs. Erskine, I really have no idea. There isn’t anything physically wrong with Steve.”

Steve pulls himself together as best as he can at this piece of information. He pulls away from Bucky, but keeps his best friend’s shirt clasped in his fist. He looks over at his mother. “Mrs. Erskine?”

Dr. Erskine steps further into the room, smiling kindly at Steve. It’s a look that Steve remembers well. “If you don’t remember your own father, I’m going to be very disappointed in you, Steven.” But there’s also some kind of understanding there, something almost like Dr. Erskine expected this, and like he’s testing Steve. It’s the same look Erskine gave him when he asked if Steve wanted to kill Nazis.

That seems to jolt Steve enough that he jumps from the bed, going into the hallway only to run into Sam, who looks worried and steadies Steve with hands on his biceps. Sam looks at Steve’s arm, the right one, the one that still itches, then looks into Steve’s eyes like he’s searching for something. The hospital room door opens and the ones he left inside are crowding into the hallway too. Sam looks over Steve’s shoulder in question. He gets blank, confused stares. “Steve, what’s happening?” All accept Abram and Bucky, who nods at Sam. Sam hangs his head.

Steve turns, sees the ones that aren’t supposed to be here. “Sam, something’s wrong, like really wrong.” He’s panting now, even more panicked than before. “You gotta help me.”

Sam turns him to look into his eyes, Steve looks frantic in a way that Sam’s never seen before. “Alright man, talk to me.”

Steve pulls him a few feet away, turning him so that Steve can see over his shoulder and keep an eye on the intruders. “Sam, that’s my Ma.” Sam nods. “She died in 1936, Sam. Dr. Erskine died in 1941, and Bucky died in Wakanda. They can’t be here, in fact, they weren’t here yesterday. So, you tell me what’s going on here? Who’s doing this? Am I even awake?”

Bucky storms over, pulling Steve around, staring into his eyes, searching for something that isn’t there. There’s a small noise, almost a sob, that comes out of Bucky. Steve stumbles back, giving one last look to the people he loved the most, and runs.

When he arrives at his floor he secures the lift, he grabs clothes and heads for the door. Just before boarding the lift, he sees his phone, but doesn’t trust that, so he just grabs the cash from his wallet. Sitting next to his wallet is another. Picking it up, he sees Bucky’s Stark ID; it reads James B. Barnes. It smiles back at him. He looks around and doesn’t recognize some of the things in his apartment. Pictures that weren’t there before. Knick-knacks that Steve can’t place. A lived in look that it’s never had.

Dropping the wallet, he gets into the lift. He dresses as he’s taken to the garage and when the doors open he heads to his bike. At the last minute, he changes his mind and heads out on the street. If his bike has a tracker, and with Tony that’s possible, he doesn’t want them finding him until he figures out what’s going on. If this was real, he’d embrace it and revel in it, but it can’t be. He’s either caught in some kind of dream state or someone is going to a lot of trouble to make Steve question his sanity.

He stops in at a bodega and buys a ball cap, sun glasses, and a burner phone. Hitting the street again he tries to think of somewhere that he can go and decides he needs to figure out what’s going on and the only way he can do that is with research. He doesn’t know how far he walks, but he comes across a cyber café and goes in.

The café owner is so pleased that Captain America came in that he gives him an hour on the house. Steve is startled by the date. According to the computer it’s 2019, that’s right, but it’s November. The last thing he remembers clearly is fighting Thanos and watching Bucky fall. Tears gather in his eyes, he watched Bucky die and couldn’t even go to him. They had to keep fighting the Mad Titan and his best friend bled out on a field in Wakanda. Wiping the tears on the back of his sleeve, he keeps looking.

Rubbing his forehead, he tries to breathe through the tension. His hour is almost up, so he thanks the man at the counter, gets a coffee to go and heads back into the street. He needs help, but Steve has no idea who to call. Who does he reach out to that will even believe him?

It’s getting into afternoon now and Steve stops for food, but keeps moving. Staying in one place too long isn’t a good idea. The people he works with are good at what they do and if he doesn’t keep moving they will find him. As much as he wants to go somewhere familiar, he can’t, so he boards the ferry. It’s cold outside, but the itch in his arm gets worse, so he takes the jacket off hoping it will settle the inflammation. The skin is still red, irritated. He has no idea how that happened.

He has to get help. Someone that will listen.

That’s when inspiration strikes and he pulls out the phone. He doesn’t know if the number will still work, hell he doesn’t know if the man even exists in whatever craziness he’s found himself in. He needs someone though, someone that’s even more suspicious than Steve is right now. Punching in the numbers, he lets it ring twice, then hangs up. Within seconds the screen lights up and it rings.

“Whoever this is, you better have a damn good reason for calling this number.” Steve lets his shoulders relax.

“Fury?” Steve hears movement on the other end and a shuffling sound.

“Cap? That you?”

“Yeah, I need some help. Something’s not right and I need answers.” He lets his shoulders slump and leans into the railing.

“Why don’t we meet and we can talk it out?”

Steve knows immediately something is off. Fury is one to have all the information before putting himself into a situation. Steve’s always trusted his gut and it’s screaming at him right now. “Who’s there with you?”

“Jumped the gun on that one. Should have known better.”

“Who’s there with you?” Steve grinds the words out through gritted teeth.

“I’m at the Tower. Listen Cap, you need to…”

“Don’t tell me I need to come back. Something is very wrong and you’re a part of it.” Steve pulls the phone away from his face and starts to end the call.

“WAIT!” The voice is Bucky’s and Steve can’t help pulling the phone back to his ear. Bucky’s always been like a magnet. “Steve please…”

“Buck, this isn’t right. I went to bed last night and everything I…cared about was in the past and I get up today and six months is gone and three people that mean the world to me are back. You tell me how I’m supposed to trust any of this.” The words spill from his lips. Steve didn’t mean to say so much, but he never could help it with Bucky.

Bucky starts talking, but it’s obvious that he isn’t talking to Steve. There are multiple voices going in the background. Steve can hear Tony, Natasha, and Sam mostly. _“I don’t give a damn what all of you want, sorry Ma, but he’s in crisis and I’m not going to leave him on his own. Now, back the fuck off and let me talk to him.”_ Then he’s back on the line. “Your Ma is going to tan my hide for that. Steve let me help you figure this out. Tell me what you remember.”

This is a bad idea. Steve’s probably feeding right into whatever this scenario is, but again, he could never resist Bucky. “What do you want to know?”

“Start at the beginning. You said that I’m dead. Start there.”

Steve hears the pleading in his voice. “1944, you went off the side of a train while we were fighting Hydra with the Commandos. I took a plane into the ocean to stop Red Skull from blowing up the world.”

There’s sniffle on the other end. “Jesus Steve…”

“I woke up in 2012 and two weeks later aliens attacked. We, the Avengers, fought them off. 2014 I found out you were alive, but known as the Winter Soldier. You’d been tortured by Hydra into this…” His voice breaks and all that guilt comes back. “I should have gone back for you.”

He can tell that Bucky is crying too. “Steve, listen to me, we need to talk because some of what you’re saying makes sense, but there’s other stuff that doesn’t. And some things you aren’t remembering.” 

“I don’t understand, Buck.”

“What’s the most recent memory you have?” He’s saying it in the most encouraging way he can and Steve thinks, trying to wade through the haze in his brain.

“There was a battle in Wakanda. You died….and I couldn’t…you were alone again.” He’s falling apart.

“SSShhhhh pal, just breathe and tell me what you remember.”

Bucky’s voice is so calming, so loved, so wanted. “Thanos, Thanos happened and we had to fight him. His army killed so many people and he wanted the stones. The team helped me get the gauntlet off, but that’s…I don’t…” That does it and Steve sobs. “Oh god, Bucky, what’s happening.”

“You need to tell me where you are, Steve. Come on, let me help.”

Steve sniffles hard and deep. “Only you. I won’t do this if you bring anyone else. If I even feel like someone is watching or you’re transmitting, I’m out and you won’t find me.” Even in this insanity Bucky is the only person he can trust.

“Okay, anything you want, but you gotta know, ya got your parents wound up tighter than a drum.”

Steve winces. It isn’t that he forgot, but he doesn’t think he can see them until he understands _that_ situation. “I can’t yet. Meet me at the deli.” He doesn’t have to tell Bucky which one, if it really is him, he’ll know. Hanging up, he throws the burner phone into the water.

**_Six Months Ago_ **

The beasts keep coming through the barrier. Steve uses the shield to block and punch while trying to keep an eye on Bucky. He didn’t want his friend to have to fight again, but it was going to take everyone to fight this threat off. No one had seen Thanos yet and Bruce promised to keep an eye out and let them all know when the Mad Titan landed.

But it isn’t Bruce that lets them know, it’s Wanda. She screeches through the com and Steve’s head jerks up. “Everyone to Wanda’s position!”

It doesn’t look good, they fight as hard as they can, but he’s just too strong. He’s throwing them around like dolls. Steve can tell that some are willing to admit their defeat, but a voice he hasn’t heard in a few years comes over the com, AC/DC blaring along with it. “Miss me, Cap?”

And he isn’t alone, Thor arrives in a blaze of lightening. For the first time, Steve has hope that this won’t end horribly. It’s hard to defeat the Avengers when they work together. Just ask Loki. Then, he hears the most terrifying sound, Bucky screams his name. When Steve looks over, Bucky, his best friend, his brother, stares at Steve with wide eyes. One of Thanos’s soldiers has run him through with some kind of blade. Bucky hangs in midair, feet dangling above the ground.

“BUCKY! NOOOOOOOOOOO!” But it’s too late, Bucky’s eyes are lifeless. He’s already gone. Something in Steve breaks, never to be repaired again. He turns on Thanos, who is trying to get the Mind Stone from Vision and Wanda is keeping him at bay, but she’s tired and alone. The Titan doesn’t see what’s coming because he doesn’t see any of them as a threat. What he doesn’t _truly_ understand is a man that has nothing to lose and nothing to live for.

Steve leaps at his back, while the man’s focus is on Wanda, and wraps Thanos in a choke hold. The Titan laughs, but then Steve really puts all his strength into it and Thanos’s eyes go wide. Steve’s only ever used all of his strength once and that was to pull a helicopter out of the sky, he’s never needed to in most cases, but now he releases the feral beast that’s always been inside. Even the team seems surprised. As Steve holds him secure, Wanda hits him with everything she has. Thor comes over with everyone else and they show Thanos what the Avengers can really accomplish. Between Wanda, Steve, Thor, and Tony, the Mad Titan begins to visibly weaken and it makes him angry.

Steve wants the gauntlet, he wants to destroy this man and his army, down to the last molecule. He locks eyes with Thor, who nods. Leaping away, Thor takes the Mad Titan’s head clean off his shoulders. But that isn’t enough for Steve. He yanks the gauntlet from the man’s hand, securing it on his own. Looking back at his friend, laying yards away, the stones begin burning up his arm, but Steve doesn’t care. He looks at the battle field where ships and soldiers are still landing and… _SNAPS_. 

Thanos and his army wither into dust and blow away.

With the gauntlet still on his arm, Steve stumbles to his friend’s side. Kneeling next to the lifeless form, Steve weeps in a way that he hasn’t since the first time he thought Bucky died. He’s filled with despair and anguish, reaching out to close Bucky’s lifeless eyes. They saved the planet, but they still failed. It’s been months and months since Steve’s seen his friend. Feeling lost and alone because it felt like Bucky didn’t want to see him. Now, there’s no time left. Steve bends over, resting his forehead against his friend’s silent heart.

What Steve doesn’t know, because he expected to die from the force of the stones, is that the stones are living entities. Life pulses in the iridescent colors. They feel his revenge burning through him, but they also feel the love driving that vengeance. Shield clasped in one hand and gauntlet on the other, a black and purple swirling cloud opens up behind Steve and sucks him in. He can vaguely hear his friends calling after him.

He lands on the top of a moving train and almost loses his balance and falls. Catching himself quickly he looks around confused because something about this is familiar. The pain from his arm, a dull throb. The gauntlet has changed, reformed itself to fit his hand and arm, the burns black and charred. Looking around again, he realizes why this is familiar, he knows where he is. The gauntlet has brought him to his one, great failure. It’s brought him to Bucky.

His last thought, before being pulled here was Bucky and he’s being given a chance. If he understands time travel correctly, he won’t change anything that’s already happened in his future, but he has a chance to save this Bucky from ever being tortured. He has a do-over and he’s damn well going to take it. 

Steve runs along the top of the train until he gets to the car he needs. Crouching, he waits for the right moment. He can’t go too early, so he waits. The side of the train gets blown out and Bucky hangs off the side. As much as Steve wants to reach for him, he can’t. The past self that’s in the train has to see him fall, it’s the only way this works. Past-Steve comes out, tries to reach, but the metal bar creeks and breaks away. Past-Steve buries his head in his arm, crying for a lost friend, then pulls himself back into the train and Steve leaps from the top of the train while his past self is distracted in grief. If this works, he’ll save his best friend and they’ll end up in 2019, if it doesn’t at least Steve will be with Bucky.

Ignoring the throbbing in his right arm, he angles himself to increase his downward trajectory, aiming his body at a falling friend. Steve reaches him, wrapping his arms around Bucky, who doesn’t understand, but clings like his life depends on it. It does. Steve cradles him close and thinks of his apartment. They land with a thud in Steve’s living room. Bucky scrambles, scooting away on his ass. Steve sits up, looking around. “It worked. I think.” Taking a deep breath. “FRIDAY, what is the date?”

Bucky jumps when the disembodied voice answers. ‘It’s May 5, 2019, Captain.’

Bucky shakes his head. “What the fuck, Steve?” He looks at the man staring back at him and for the first time gets a really good look at this Steve. “Are you even Steve?” Steve’s sure the longer hair and beard are an indication to Bucky that something very odd is happening this situation.

Steve puts out his arms, trying to settle his friend and gets a look at his right arm. “No wonder it hurts so damn bad.”

Bucky moves back over to Steve. “What the hell have you done?”

Steve holds the arm to his chest. “I had to. You died and I…” Bucky takes the arm and tries to remove the gauntlet, but it doesn’t budge. “It kinda does its own thing.”

Bucky sits in front of him, legs crisscrossed. “You need to start explaining what’s happening or I’m going to think that I actually died and this is some kinda afterlife. And I gotta tell ya, Steve, it’s not living up to expectations.”

Steve chuckles then moans. “Fuck, this really hurts now.” He passes out soon after.

When he comes to, he’s on the sofa and Bucky’s sitting in a chair by the window looking out at the city. For a brief minute, Steve thinks he’s dreaming, but it hurts too much to be a dream. “Buck?”

Bucky looks over and smiles, but there’s worry behind it. “I wasn’t sure you were going to wake up.” Getting up he comes over, picking up a glass on the coffee table, sitting down he helps Steve drink. “I need to understand what’s going on because what I’m seeing outside that window isn’t the New York I remember.”

Steve has a very odd thought just before answering. He thinks the only thing that would make this better is if his ma was here. Then his mind wanders to Dr. Erskine. He didn’t know the man very well, but he knows that Steve mattered to him. Looking at Bucky, perched on the coffee table, waiting for that explanation. “First, there’s a bottle in the medicine cabinet of my bathroom. There’s pills for pain that actually work on me.” Bucky gets up, wandering down the hall and into Steve’s bedroom. Steve remembers this Bucky so well. He’d been through the torture at the factory, but by this point, by the time they raided the train, he was almost his old self again. There were times that he got quiet, times that he seemed lost in his own thoughts, but he was still bright and shiny the way Steve remembered him. The light was still there, it hadn’t been burned away.

Steve hears Bucky whistle. “You become rich, Steve? This is insane.” There’s a pause. “This bathroom is bigger than our apartment. Jesus Steve, how much do you make being Captain America?” Steve can hear him coming back to the living room. “Is it really 2019? I mean I said we were going to the future, but you took me seriously.”

As much pain as Steve is in, he can’t help the chuckle that comes out. “You want me to answer any of those or just talkin to hear yourself?”

“Shaddup asshole and take the medicine.” He grins and Steve knows what’s going to come out of his mouth before it does. “Seems like old times.” Steve takes the pills, not that he really thinks they will help, but it’s worth a shot. “We gotta figure out how to get that thing off you.” Bucky sits on the coffee table again, staring at his friend. He can see it in the eyes. This is Steve, but this is a Steve that shouldn’t look the way he does. And it has nothing to do with the hair and beard. It’s in the eyes. He’s seen Steve sad and hopeless before, but nothing like this.

Steve shakes his head. “No, I think there’s one more thing I want to do.”

Steve looks at the floor and Bucky leans in. “Hey pal, what’s goin on? I think whatever you got planned can wait.”

“I brought you forward because you were going to die.” He looks up at Bucky, pleadingly. “What if I brought Ma too?”

Bucky freezes then gets up to start pacing the living room. “Steve, listen, I’m grateful for you saving me like this, but somethin tells me that if you keep using that,” He points at the gauntlet, “thing, you’re going to really hurt yourself.” He stands and Bucky’s shoulders sag. He knows that Steve’s going to do it anyway. “Okay look, if you do this and you come back…”

Steve stands, facing his friend, his best friend. “I gotta try.”

Bucky nods, but keeps his eyes down. “Is there anyone I need to contact if you don’t come back? Anyone that would…”

Steve huffs a laugh. “I got no one, Buck. Some people might care, but no one that would grieve too much.” His team cares, of that he’s sure, but the way he’s always kept them just out of reach, they’ll grieve, but it would pass.

Bucky comes over, clutching Steve’s shoulder; a move so familiar that Steve wants to cry. “Alright, but when you get back, you’re going to explain how your life got this way.” The idea that Steve has no one here, in this time, is incomprehensible to Bucky. Steve’s like a light in a dark world and if anyone from this time can’t see that, something’s very wrong.

Not really sure how he got it to work the last time, Steve closes his eyes and thinks of his mother, but just before he feels the pull of the stones, his mind flips to Dr. Erskine too. He’s pulled away through the same black and purple smoke. He lands in Park Slope, but he’s near the park. It’s dark and cold. Looking around, Steve tries to orient himself. He can’t figure that out because he and his Ma lived in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Brooklyn and this isn’t that. These buildings look nice, taken care of. He stays in the shadows of the building to keep out of sight. The arm is hurting so bad that he cradles it to his chest and tries to focus on anything, but the pain. Leaning against the wall, he tries to breathe through the pain.

A car moves down the street and parks outside the building across the street. Dr. Erskine gets out, moving around to the other side, opening the door for who Steve assumes is his wife. When his Ma exits the car, Steve sucks in a breath. She looks beautiful and healthy. Dr. Erskine kisses her hand, putting it in the crook of his arm and heads into the building.

“How the hell did this happen?” All Steve can do it wait. He pulls the pills out of his utility belt and takes three. He sees a light go on, third floor, far corner. Dr. Erskine comes to the window, opens it to let fresh air in. Steve watches from the shadows, still confused about this odd turn of events. After a few hours a small group of men stop by Dr. Erskine’s car, look inside, then move on down the street. Something about the group sets the hairs on the back of Steve’s neck on end. There’s something not right. 

He looks down at his watch, it’s well past midnight now and Steve makes his way to the building. He checks the shadows for the three men he saw earlier, but they don’t seem to be anywhere around. He can’t hear them either. The street is silent, like Steve remembers Brooklyn being at night when he was a kid.

Using every bit of stealth that Natasha ever taught him, he raises the living room window and eases in. He has to pause inside when the pain flairs up again in the arm. There’s a light on in the kitchen, but the bedroom door is closed and the light in there is off. He moves around, checking pictures and papers. He finds pictures of his Ma and Dr. Erskine on their wedding day. He’s in the picture as well. By the looks of it, he’s about 4. He finds a photo album on a shelf, pulling it down he silently makes his way to the kitchen and the available light.

Opening it, the first half is a few photos and a child’s drawings. He knows they’re his. About halfway through there are more pictures now and they have his Ma, Dr. Erskine and little Steve. The little boy in the photos is holding hands with both adults and grinning brightly. There’s one in particular of Steve on Dr. Erskine’s shoulders and the doctor’s arm is around his mother. Steve’s about 6 and his Ma is wearing a wedding band. He pulls it out, tucking it in his utility belt. He turns towards the end of the album and there’s an obituary. 

It’s his.

_Steven Grant Rogers-Erskine, born July 4, 1918, died Tuesday from complication from pneumonia. He is survived by his mother Sarah Rogers Erskine and his father Dr. Abram Erskine…_

He can’t even imagine what his Ma must have gone through, but at least she wasn’t alone. At least she had a loving husband to hold her up. He pulls the picture from his belt and looks at it. He looks happy and loved. Tucking it back into his belt, he closes the album, jerking when he hears a slight clicking at the front door. He knows that sound because he’s used lock picks before. The door squeaks open and Steve moves into the shadows of the kitchen. The three men checking Dr. Erskine’s car outside make sense now.

The bedroom door opens and Dr. Erskine comes out, flicking on a lamp. “What are you doing here?”

One of the men pulls a gun and that’s all Steve is going to let happen. He grabs a knife from the cutting board near the sink and throws it, getting the guy in the side. He goes down with a heavy thunk. Before the other two can figure out what happened, Steve has one knocked out and the other in a choke hold. His back is to Dr. Erskine when his Ma comes out of the bedroom.

“Abram, what’s happening?” He puts his arm around her, pulling her close. She clings to his night shirt, tucking herself into his side.

The third guy passes out and the one that had the gun picks it up again aiming at his parents, but Steve steps on his wrist and growls. “Don’t even think about it.” The guy looks up and Steve kicks him in the head, knocking him out. He turns, facing his parents.

Sarah’s hands fly to her mouth, tears gathering in her eyes and the honey lilt of her voice washes over the super soldier. “Steven?”

She wavers and Steve catches her as she passes out. Dr. Erskine turns the lights on, seeing what Steve did to the men, then turns to the sofa where a man, much bigger than his son, but still wearing his face, kneels next to his mother. “Steven, is it really you?”

Steve turns, tears in his eyes. “Yes and no.”

“Perhaps you should explain yourself.” Steve nods, turning back to his mother.

“I will, but we need to get out of here.” He stands, looking at his father. “I promise Pop, I’ll tell you everything, but we gotta get outta here.” He doesn’t know why he calls Dr. Erskine Pop, but when he does, the man’s face melts into a watery smile. Steve picks up his Ma, tells Dr. Erskine to hang on, and thinks about Bucky. The black and purple smoke engulfs them and they’re standing in the living room of his apartment and Bucky’s right where he left him.

“That didn’t take long.” And Bucky next to him, helping Steve get Sarah to the sofa.

Steve puts his mother carefully down, turns to look at Bucky, and passes out as the gauntlet falls from his arm leaving charred, mangled skin.

Steve wakes and wonders if all of that was some kind of weird manifestation of his subconscious. He hears a machine beeping and low voices in a heated discussion. The most prevalent voice is Tony. Turning his head slowly, he sees his Ma, Dr. Erskine and Bucky standing by the window whispering. On the other side of the room, near the door, Tony, Bruce, and Dr. Cho are talking too. Tony keeps looking over at the window where the other three are just as mistrustful of the three by the door.

“Ma?” It’s a breathless whisper, but she’s by the bed before anyone else can move. Tony starts over, but Bruce grabs his arm, holding the billionaire in place.

“There’s my little one.” Bucky snorts and Sarah turns just enough to smack him in the chest. “Hush you.”

Steve smiles lazily and Dr. Erskine’s face comes into view. “Steven, you shouldn’t have done what you did bringing us here, but I cannot be too mad at you for it.” The man is smiling warmly at Steve and it’s the same smile he remembers from so many years ago.

“Alright, okay, everyone not from this timeline needs to step away and let the professionals work.” Tony looks down at Steve. “You are in all kinds of trouble, but before we can yell at you, we have to get you standing again.”

Steve’s left hand shoots out and Bucky has it, holding tightly. Steve looks up at his family. “What’s happening?”

Dr. Cho starts to the bed, but Dr. Erskine chimes in first. He shifts Sarah a little and sits on the edge of the bed, hand on Steve’s shin. “You used a power that was beyond what your body could handle, even with the serum.” Steve looks up confused and then at Bucky. “Yes, your friend explained the super soldier serum that some other me invented. You have lost the ability to move your right arm because of the damage, Steven.”

Steve looks at his right arm. It’s covered in bandages all the way down to the finger tips. There’s a dull ache where the pain had been earlier. “What happens now?”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Well, you’re useless to us now without your arm.” Bruce pops Tony in the back of the head.

“Tony, for god’s sake, he’s a person.” Bruce looks over at Steve with an apologetic look.

Steve looks up at Bucky, who’s looking at Tony like he could murder him. “You’re no better than your father.” That’s hits Tony the hardest and he leaves the room.

“Now James, that wasn’t nice.” Sarah looks up at Bucky and he caves. She may not know him from their timeline, but Bucky knows her.

“Sorry, Mrs. Erskine.” He looks properly remorseful.

“There will be none of that. From everything you’ve told us, you might as well have been a second son to me.” Bucky blushes, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Although, I must say I am glad I didn’t have to deal with both of you. I don’t know how that Sarah survived the two of you plotting against the world.”

“Yes Ma’am. And we weren’t that bad.” Steve smiles softly at them.

“How long have I been out?” They look over at Bruce and Helen.

Helen clears her throat, so Steve knows it’s a long time. “Almost two weeks.”

It’s getting close to 3 AM and Bucky makes his way down to Stark’s lab. He’s not sure what happened between Steve and Tony. He’s gotten bits and pieces of the story from different members of the team, but everyone tells it from their own perspective. The lab door opens and Tony is working with a welding mask over his face and music playing so loud that Bucky can’t hear himself think.

After two weeks in the Tower, Bucky’s gotten accustomed to how things work. It still surprises him what’s been accomplished, but it also pleases the little boy that wanted to go to the future. “FRIDAY, can you turn the music off?” The music disappears suddenly and Tony looks up to complain.

Seeing Bucky, he sighs. “What do you want?”

“I want to talk this out. I don’t know what Steve did to you and I sure as hell don’t know what I did to you, but you’ve been an ass since you came back from Africa. Steve doesn’t need your shit right now, so talk Stark.” His arms are folded over his chest, waiting. There will never be a timeline where Bucky Barnes doesn’t defend Steve Rogers.

“What makes you think I will talk to you?” Tony takes the mask off and lays the torch down after turning the flame off.

“Because you can either talk to me or I’ll do what I did to everyone else that tried to bully Steve, I’ll kick your ass.” Bucky’s moved further into the lab, just feet away from the billionaire. Tony snorts in disbelief and Bucky punches him in the face.

Touching his nose tentatively, Tony pulls away with blood on his finger and looks up at Bucky incredulously, from where he’s kneeling on the floor. “You hit me!”

Bucky kneels down so they’re eye to eye. “And I’ll do it again if you don’t start talking.”

Tony starts when Steve woke up from the ice. He didn’t have anything to do with him until weeks later when the Loki shit went down, but he kept track of the super soldier. He talks about the invasion, he talks about the fall of SHIELD and Hydra and Steve finding his best friend. “It was like none of us existed anymore. All he could think about was you being out there somewhere alone.” He tells Bucky about Steve splitting the Avengers up protecting _that_ Bucky. The Bucky that killed his parents. “So, you walking around here, with that face, isn’t helping his case!”

“Jesus Christ Stark! I’m not that guy. I don’t know why Steve did all this, bringing me and his parents here, but considering that Steve woke up in a world where no one gave a shit about him, it seems that trying to protect a little part of that isn’t too far out the realm of possibility. And that guy, that killed your parents, wasn’t himself because Howard may have been an asshole, but he was still our friend. My friend! The only way I would have killed him is if I wasn’t in my right mind!” Bucky stands, walking away from this genius that seems to have the same stupid blind spot that his father did. “Fuck! You’re going to hold something against a guy that was brainwashed and tortured for 70 years?”

“It still hurts! You… _that guy_ …he killed my mom!” Bucky turns around, staring at the ceiling.

“And that guy died. I don’t know if you noticed or not, but I don’t look very much like _that guy_. That woman,” Bucky waves his hand around, “Natasha, she showed me a picture. Hell, he was like twice my size. What the hell did Hydra feed that guy?”

Tony snorts, then rests his forearms on his knees and looks at the guy standing in his lab. “No, I guess you don’t look exactly like him. His hair was longer too.”

“Yeah well, that’s a fashion statement I’m not willing to make.” They stare at each other for a few seconds, then start laughing.

“It was Steve’s betrayal that hurt the most.” Bucky wipes his eyes as Tony finally speaks again.

“Yeah, I can see that, but you gotta understand, when Steve thinks he’s right, nothins going to change his mind. He was just trying to protect you, that other guy, and himself.” Tony starts to speak, but Bucky holds his hand up. “I’m not sayin it’s right, it’s just how he is.”

“How did you put up with him?” Bucky hangs his head.

“Man, it was not easy.” They start to snigger again.

Steve leaves the medical floor a week later, his damaged arm is in a sling and just as useless as Tony said. When he arrives at his floor, he hears his Ma and Bucky in the kitchen. “I do like all the different foods now. It’s so very exciting getting to see what this world has accomplished.”

“I gotta tell ya, Ma, being able to try all the different foods makes me think I’m destined to be fat.” She giggles at his antics and Steve just stands in the doorway smiling. They don’t know he’s here and he’d like to keep it that way for a few more minutes. “You know what I missed the most back then?”

“What dear?” Steve can hear a spoon scraping against a metal bowl.

“I missed butter.” She cackles at that. “No, really. I mean potatoes without butter, toast without butter. And if we could get butter, I always made sure Steve ate it. I thought if I could keep him fed, I would keep him healthy.” He knows they are hugging because that’s just how his Ma was…is. “I just knew when I got drafted that the first freeze…”

“Ah now, you hush about that because we’re here, in this strange, new world and he’s here, alive and healthy as a horse according to Abram.” She sighs and goes back to whatever she was doing. “What did you think the first time you saw him like this?”

Bucky laughs. “I thought I had died.” Steve doesn’t know what his Ma does, but he suspects it’s something along the lines of rolling her eyes. “No, I really did. I looked up from that table and there he was, but the way I sorta always pictured he was on the inside. I was so happy then I guess…”

“What is it?” Steve curious too because his friend sounds choked up.

“I got upset because I thought he really had died and I was seein him in heaven, you know, big and brave.”

Steve can’t take it anymore and steps around the corner. His Ma is hugging Bucky and they both seem a little misty. He wonders what it’s like for his mother to see him like this when her little Steven died when he was so young. They both turn, grinning ear to ear. “There you are.” She comes to him, hugging him too and he just lets himself melt into it.

“God, I missed you.” She leans away, examining him.

“I missed you too, so much my little one.” That causes Bucky to snort again.

Steve goes to him, staring for just a few seconds before pulling him into a tight embrace. “I missed you. Even when you were here, you weren’t really here. You…he…it was like something in him had died.”

“Well pal, we’re going to have some good, old-fashioned Sheppard’s Pie tonight, but this time with all the stuff we couldn’t afford back then and a cake you wouldn’t believe.” He pulls Steve to the fridge and opens the door so he can see the three layers of strawberry cake. Bucky was always good at steering Steve away from getting too into his head.

Abram returns from Dr. Cho’s lab just as dinner is coming out of the oven. “You always did have the best timing, love.”

He grins at his wife and comes to kiss her. “I think you always have the best timing and know just when I’ll be coming through the door.” He rubs his nose against hers and Steve can’t help, but watch. What a strange thing to get to witness; a world where these two people, with hearts bigger than their bodies, meet and marry. That little kid, that Steven, was a very lucky little boy.

Bucky gets the table set and makes sure that all of Steve’s utensils are on the left side of the plate. He places the glass the same way, resting his hand on Steve’s shoulder. Steve could spend the rest of his life in this moment. He looks up at Bucky, who’s watching him as well, a soft smile on his face.

The food is so good and the memories he’s building are even better. Bucky watches him and he knows he’s checking to see if it’s too much, but Steve will never be able to get enough of this. “Steven, I’ve been working with Dr. Cho, brilliant young woman, she showed me the breakdown of your blood.” Steve’s head jerks up. “Oh, don’t worry, it was just enough for me to run a few tests. I got what I needed from it and destroyed the rest.”

Bucky’s interested now because he always liked science. “What did you find?”

Steve watches how his Ma watches her husband. She doesn’t just love him, she’s devoted to him. “The serum is much simpler than I thought it would be. I can see what that other me did and worked in reverse.” Sarah looks over at her husband rolling her eyes. It’s simple for him, but anyone else wouldn’t know what they were looking at.

“What does that mean?” Steve doesn’t understand why Dr. Erskine needed to do this.

“Oh, they have not told you.” Steve shakes his head. “Your friends, this team, the Avengers, they want me to fix you…your arm.”

Steve shakes his head again. “Can you do that?”

The doctor nods. “I believe that I can, but it will take a little while to get everything ready. If it works, I will engineer an additive to the serum you have. One that will repair your arm.” He doesn’t tell them that he’s had to work with the stones as well. He has to understand what they are, to understand what they did to Steve.

“Oh Abram, that’s wonderful.” After dinner and cake, Sarah and Abram return to their floor and Bucky stays to wash up the dishes.

“I gotta tell ya, pal, this dishwasher thing is amazing.” Steve leans with his back against the counter, watching. He knows that he’s going to grieve for his friend, his Bucky, but he missed this one more than he realized. “Hey, you okay? You need to sit down?”

That’s something else he’d never admit he missed. He missed having someone mother hen him. He missed Bucky hovering over him, taking care of him. “I’m alright.”

“I think we better get you to bed.” He takes Steve’s arm and guides him to the bedroom. Making sure he takes the pills for pain and getting him settled in. “I’m just across the hall if you need me. Just call and I’ll be here in a second.”

“You’re staying here?” Bucky sits on the edge of the bed looking at his friend like he doesn’t understand the question.

“Where else would I stay, Steve?” He seems genuinely confused.

“I just thought…I don’t know…that you’d want your own space. You don’t hafta share with me anymore.” Steve’s looking at the quilt that’s covering his bed. It’s new and he doesn’t know where it came from. He runs the soft texture between his fingers.

“Well, in case you didn’t figure it out way back when, I liked sharing a space with you. Oh, and that horrible blanket you had on this bed, it’s in the common room. I ordered that quilt because it’s…nicer.” He slides out of the room with an odd look on his face. Steve watches him slip into his room, but leave the door open, so he can get across the hall if needed. It makes Steve smile.

As the weeks pass, Dr. Erskine works in Dr. Cho’s lab, who is as impressed with Abram as he is with her. Sarah makes friends with all of the team and they come to love her Irish charm and fear her Irish temper and on the nights when she cooks for the whole team, no one misses it. She’s in the kitchen making Steve’s favorite, cabbage rolls. The smell fills the common floor and Steve is in heaven. 

“Anthony Edward Stark, get your fingers out of that bowl!” Steve’s spent a lot of time listening, closing his eyes and just listening. There’s more laughter, more talking, more family time. Everything about it is good. And he gets to share in that.

Bucky comes in carrying a basket and Steve knows what that means. Dr. Cho has him covering the damaged arm with a special bandage. He pulls the sling over his head and Bucky sits on the coffee table in front of him. Tony comes running out of the kitchen with Sarah chasing him with a large wooden spoon. “You’re mother is a menace, Rogers!” Tony gives a squeak when Sarah gets him in the butt with the spoon.

The lift opens and the team comes filing in. Most of them have been all over the world helping out where they can. But tonight, they promised to be back for dinner. Tony is still running through the room with Sarah hot on his heels. “You put your hand where it didn’t belong again, Tony?”

Natasha is grinning, no smirking, but all out grinning. Tony leaps over a chair smiling too. NO!”

Sarah adds a “YES!” right after it.

Bucky gives Steve a gentle smile. “You’re loving all this, aren’t ya?”

He leans in close to remove the other bandage, looking up at Steve through his lashes. Steve’s breath catches and his heart speeds up. Clint sits in a chair by the window, while Sam takes the other. The two men look at Steve and Sam starts to smirk. If anyone else was doing this for Steve, he would be putting up a fuss, but since it’s Bucky, he allows the man to do whatever is necessary. He looks back at Bucky, who’s stopped working on his arm, watching Steve instead. “You know ya don’t hafta do this every day.” He’s talking in a whisper and doesn’t know why.

“I never minded takin care of you, Steve. I thought you knew that.” He’s still so close and Steve heart rate kicks up again. He has no idea why, but thinks he may ask Abram about it later. As Bucky works, Steve looks at him, the way his wavy hair catches the light, the way his has a small concentrated smile. The girls back then were very lucky when the caught the attention of one James Barnes. 

He sees Sam watching him throughout dinner, but nothing is ever addressed, so Steve returns to his floor. He gets ready for bed, changing out of his clothes and brushes his teeth. He wanders back into the living room and sits next to the windows. Looking out at the city, he starts thinking about this life he’s created for himself. It was worth it, even if he doesn’t ever get to use his arm again. He thinks about what led to this craziness and a picture of Bucky, lying in the field of Wakanda, flashes through his mind. Clinching his eyes shut, he tries to wipe that away.

The lift opens and he turns expecting to see Bucky, but instead it’s Abram. “You seemed deep in thought when you left. I thought I’d better check on you.”

Steve huffs and smiles. “Were you always this good of a father to me…him?”

He chuckles, removing his glasses to clean them on his sweater. “I had to learn.” He sits in the chair opposite Steve. “Do you still draw?”

“I haven’t in so long. I’m not sure I can do it now.” He lifts his arm just a little.

“Ah well, maybe in a few months we can fix that. If not, we will work on teaching you to be left handed.” Steve chuckles at that. “What is bothering you?”

Steve reaches up, rubbing his face. “I don’t know.” He gets an eyebrow at that and knows his…father, doesn’t believe him. “I’m not sure I want to keep on being Captain America.”

“Then don’t.” Steve looks at him and realizes the man is serious.

“What? Just walk away. I mean isn’t this why I was created?” Abram laughs, delighted.

“No Steven, you weren’t created to be anything you didn’t want to be. You were enhanced, but it didn’t mean you had to do anything with that. But you had a sense of duty.” He watches the information sink in. Steve wonders just how much Bucky has shared with his parents for this Erskine to know that. “Who would you give the shield to? If you were to walk away.” 

“I’m not sure. I thought about Bucky.” Abram looks over his glasses at Steve. “But I don’t think he wants to do this anymore. He seems to be having a good time learning from you in the lab. So, I’d probably give it to Sam.”

Abram nods at that. “Is he a good man?”

“He’s the best man I know.” He smiles a little at that and Abram can see that he’s made the choice. “I just have to do it.”

“When you are ready, you will do what is best for you.” They sit in silence for a time, but when the lift dings, Abram stands as Bucky walks in. 

He stops just inside the room. “Should I leave?”

Abram smiles kindly at him. “No my boy, it is time for all old people to go to bed.” He looks back at Steve. “Do not tell you mother I said that. I don’t want to be in trouble with that Irish temper.”

Steve laughs. “I won’t.” As Abram makes his way to the lift, patting Bucky on the shoulder, Steve calls after him. “Night Pop.” It’s the first time he’s said it since coming back and it feels right. As Abram turns in the lift, Steve sees the small, barely their smile and the watery eyes. 

As the weeks pass, Steve’s arm doesn’t improve. They knew it wouldn’t because of the type of damage. Steve’s in the kitchen, making coffee while his Ma makes breakfast. “You know son, I don’t remember you eating this much. I know the serum and all of that, but it’s just so surprising.”

Steve walks over to her and kisses her cheek. “I can make my own if you want.”

She shakes her head smiling. “I like making food for you. Food is the language of love and family. Now, sit down. Bucky will be back soon and I know he’s going to be starving too.”

As if on cue, the lift opens and Bucky comes in with Abram. “It’s just fascinating what you…or the other you, did to create this.”

They come into the kitchen and Bucky has deep, dark circles under his eyes. Steve looks at him worried. “Buck?”

“Hey Steve, I was in the lab all night, looking through the readings. It’s really incredible stuff.” Steve smiles and for just a minute Bucky stops, just watching him.

This has been happening more and more. Quiet moments when one is watching the other, but what’s behind the looks is something they can neither one fathom. Sarah looks over at her husband and gives a soft smile. All the while, Bucky’s still smiling at Steve and Steve is lost in his friend’s eyes.

Later that afternoon, Steve finds himself in the conference room, looking over schematics of a base that the team is going to raid the following day. Sam comes in, looking over Steve’s shoulder. “What do you think?”

“I think this is going to be more difficult than Tony thinks.” Sam chuckles, sitting to watch Steve’s mind work through the plans.

He’s silent for a little while, but Sam can’t hold his tongue anymore. “You know, when I told you to go find a life, find something to make you happy, I didn’t mean for you to use the stones to do it.”

“Honestly Sam, I didn’t mean to do it.” Steve finally looks up and for the first time admits to someone, outside of his little nuclear family, how all this happened. “All I was thinking was Bucky and the gauntlet took me to him.”

“And your parents?” Steve doesn’t talk about this to anyone, except Bucky, but he can trust Sam.

“Once I brought Buck back it was a spontaneous decision. Probably not the best idea I’ve ever had, but I’m glad I did it.” Sam nods, but there’s a look there that says more. “What?”

Sam smiles, but it’s his eyes that give away something bigger. “I’m glad you did too. I know we try to be family for each other, but it’s nothing compared to the people that grew up with you. But…” Sam stalls.

“But what?” Steve looks back down at the plans.

“What’s up with you and Barnes?” Steve’s head shoots up and he wonders if Sam means what he thinks he means.

“What do you mean?” Sam just frowns at him. “Okay, I…I don’t…it’s just…”

“It’s alright man, when you figure it out, if you want to talk, I’m here.” Steve gives a curt nod and goes back to the mission file.

Bucky comes in some time later with lunch and sits with Steve to bounce ideas about the mission back and forth. Sam excuses himself with a smirk at Steve. “Buck?”

Looking up from the files, Bucky’s brow is furrowed in concentration and Steve can’t help, but laugh. He reaches over, smoothing out the wrinkles in his friend forehead. He’s done it numerous times before, but today there’s a weight behind it. Steve’s hand slides down Bucky’s forehead and cups his cheek. Bucky’s cheeks heat up and flush. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

He doesn’t respond and they go back to work. The dark circles under Bucky’s eyes are gone from the nap that Steve knows he took. Once they input everything into the system, Bucky sits back. He catalogues every move that Steve makes and can see that the arm is bothering him. Steve confessed that there’s a dull ache that never goes away. Bucky also know that Steve doesn’t like to talk about it. He says if he talks about it, then he remembers and feels the ache more pronounced.

“Tell me about him.” Steve looks up, mouth half open in question, but the look tells him exactly what Bucky is asking.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Steve tries to look anywhere, but at his friend.

“A good idea for you or for me?” Steve bites the inside of his cheek. A nervous habit that he’s had for years.

“Either…both…just not good.” Bucky leans in, putting a hand on Steve’s arm.

“I think it’s a good idea and who better to talk about it with than me.” Steve nods, but refused to look at his friend.

“yeah…okay.” His voice is quiet, unsure. “Up until the train, the two of you were the same. Then, a few years ago I found out you…he was alive and had been a puppet of Hydra since falling. There was never any joy in his eyes after. Even when he smiled, it was always dark inside his mind. He was never going to forgive himself for things he thought were his fault. And it wasn’t his fault.” The last part is just a whisper. “It was mine.”

“I know for a fact that he didn’t blame you.” Bucky’s thumb strokes over Steve arm.

“How can you know that?” Steve watches the point of contact and finds it comforting in a way that he hasn’t felt in years. The other Bucky never touched him, not if he didn’t have to.

“Because I never would have blamed you and we were the same person for a little while.” Steve gives Bucky a side glance and sees the honesty in his friends face.

“Thanks for that.” He pauses thinking about what else he can say. “He didn’t want this life anymore. He wanted peace and he had that in Wakanda. He didn’t like for me to visit.” That seems to surprise Bucky. “He seemed open and happy with the people there and when I came he closed down.” He looks up, teary eyed. “I know what he said to me, but I know what I felt. And considering how long we knew each other, I’m pretty sure I’m right.”

“What do you think?” Bucky’s slides his chair closer to Steve’s and starts rubbing his back. 

“I don’t think he wanted me there. I think I was a reminder of what he was before. I think it made him angry because he couldn’t be that anymore. Too much had happened.” Bucky nods. “I can understand that too, but he was still my friend. Then Thanos came and I had to ask. He didn’t want to do it, but I think he felt obligated.” There’s a quiet sob because of what Steve isn’t saying.

“What? Say it. It’s okay.” Bucky wraps his hand around the back of Steve’s neck, grounding him and rests his chin on Steve’s shoulder.

“I think he was okay with dying. I think he wanted it.” Bucky pulls him in, holding him while he cries. It’s the first time Steve’s let himself cry about that Bucky, the one he failed.

After a few minutes, Bucky cups Steve’s cheeks, forcing him to look. His eyes continue to leak tears and he looks emotionally wrecked. “Listen to me, please.” Steve nods. “I can only speak for myself, but if anyone is gonna know what he was feeling, I think it’s me. If he wanted to die, there’s nothing you were going to be able to do to save him. Too much happened to him _that wasn’t your fault_ , but if he couldn’t put it in a safe place, that isn’t on you. It’s just how it was. You have to forgive yourself because I know you’re carrying this guilt around.” He leans in, kissing Steve’s forehead. “You came for me, just the way you tried to for him. He never blamed you because I would never blame you.”

The conversation stops when Natasha and Clint walk in the room and freeze at the spectacle in front of them. “Are we interrupting?” Clint seems ready to back out of the room.

“To hell with that, I wanna know what’s going on.” Natasha plops herself into a chair and stares at them like they’re going to confess everything.

Bucky doesn’t take his eyes from Steve’s, who nods that he’s okay. “She’s a little unnerving.” Bucky tilts his head towards Natasha.

Steve barks a laugh. “Yeah, it’s part of her charm.”

They look over at the two Avengers, who, surprisingly, seem to be genuinely interested in what they walked into. “You good, Cap?”

Steve nods at Clint. “Yeah, I’m good.” Natasha obviously doesn’t believe him if the look on her face is anything to go on, but she doesn’t push. “The tactical plans are in for tomorrow.” She nods and Steve heads back to his apartment. Bucky watches him go, but doesn’t follow. As much as he wants to fix this for Steve, he knows that he can’t do that. Steve has to reconcile all of this for himself.

That night, after the Tower is sleeping, Steve goes to the gym. Pulling the sling over his head, he looks down at the bandages. They are loaded with topical antibiotics, something Dr. Cho insisted on, just in case Steve’s body decides it can’t fight off an infection. He looks at the punching bag, but goes to the treadmill instead. Setting it on half the speed he usually uses, he runs and watches the lights of the city below. The only sound is his breathing and the whirl of the treadmill. He doesn’t know how long he runs, but he’s sweating, so it must have been awhile.

“You can’t blame yourself, Steven.” He jolts, but doesn’t stumble from the surprise of the voice.

Stopping the machine, he turns to see his parents. Thinking of his Ma that way is easy, but the sudden necessity to claim Dr. Erskine as his dad, is a surprise. “What are you two doing up?”

“We’ve been in the lab, working.” They watch him and can see he’s torturing himself. “You can’t change when someone has become hopeless.”

He knows they’re talking about this timeline’s Bucky and that his friend must have told them about their conversation. “I think I’ve always tried to take on the world and save everyone that I could. The fact that I couldn’t save him, it just won’t let me go.”

He goes to the cooler and grabs a water. Sarah comes over, brushing his sweaty hair from his forehead. “My little one, some people don’t want you to save them.” Steve’s breath hitches at that. She places a hand against his cheek. “Sometimes, you can’t understand what they’re feeling. You want to and maybe even believe that you do, but you can’t _know_.” Steve knows she’s trying to say something, but doesn’t know what. Looking over at his Pop, the man seems distant, there’s a faraway look on his face. Sarah turns to her husband and nods.

Abram comes over, kissing her temple. “When our Steven died, there was very little that your mother wanted after that. I believe that if I had not been there, she would have followed you.” Tears well up in the man’s eyes. “I was already lost and if something had happened to her, I would have followed you both. But we kept clinging to each other and found our way out.” He takes a handkerchief from his pocket, wiping his eyes. “Then you came and we have our little boy back. It is a gift that you have given us and your Bucky. The one you couldn’t save didn’t want you to.”

Steve cries. He cries for the Bucky he didn’t save, he cries for a little boy that didn’t get to live, he cries for his parents, who had to suffer that loss, he cries for himself. When the tears come to an end, he feels a weight lifted from his shoulders. And for the first time, not only does he know what he wants to do about the shield, he knows that it’s the right decision. 

When the team returns from the mission, Steve hands the shield over to Sam. Bucky watches from the kitchen, leaning on the counter, smiling. The Steve Rogers he knew never relaxed. He was always trying to prove himself. This Steve Rogers has finally discovered that proving himself isn’t something he has to do anymore.

As the weeks pass, Steve’s shoulders relax and he starts to enjoy the people around him. He isn’t their leader anymore, so he finds friendships he kept at arm’s length before. Bucky, Sarah, and Abram continue to work in the lab, creating a serum that will heal Steve’s arm. At least that’s what they hope.

Bucky doesn’t really know what he’s doing at first, but the more Abram explains to him, the clearer the project becomes. Sarah watches the two men, smiling a private smile because she knows that at some point, Bucky’s place in the family is going to change. Bucky doesn’t know it and Steve hasn’t figured it out yet, but she knows. Like any good mother, she keeps her thoughts to herself, allowing her children to find their own path. It’s good that this new world has caught up with what’s right.

Steve returns from dinner with Sam and finds Bucky standing in the living room, looking out at the night sky. He’s wearing the ridiculous pajama pants that Clint got for him. Only Clint would find a hideous pair with barking hot dogs on them. The shirt Bucky’s wearing is a plain grey, but hugs his chest and arms. He’s not as big as the other Bucky and if Steve has anything to do with it, he never well be, but he still has defined muscles in all the right places. Steve blushes at his own thoughts. He looks soft with his hair sticking up here and there, like he was asleep at some point. His feet are bare and Steve has the desire to go to him and wrap him in his arms. He wants to hold him in a way that he’s never done before and tell him that he’s beautiful.

Steve just stands in the entry, watching him for a little while. He watches the play of light and how Bucky’s eyes seem to glow in the darkened room. Steve has a sudden surge of feeling and when it happens, he feels the air leave his lungs. 

_He loves Bucky. This Bucky._

Bucky turns when Steve inhales sharply. “Hey.”

It takes a minute for Steve to find his voice. “Hi.”

Bucky holds out his arm. “Come here.”

Steve stumbles over and Bucky wraps an arm around his waist. “Buck?”

“We made it, Steve. We made it to the future.” Steve leans his head onto Bucky’s shoulder, closes his eyes, and soaks in this new feeling.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” Bucky looking up at Abram, worried and confused.

“What I’m saying is there may be side-effects of this healing serum that we aren’t expecting. You must understand, when it heals him, if it heals him, other things may be affected. When dealing with the human body, you have to expect the unexpected.” He knows that the young man is just frightened and he finally knows why. It took time, but he eventually saw what his wife had been hinting at for months. These two boys aren’t ‘brothers,’ he doesn’t know if that’s new or if it’s always been there. Bucky’s fear is for Steve, but also for himself and a loss Bucky can’t fathom.

“Is it worth it then to try this not knowing what it will do to him?” Bucky is visibly shaking from this new knowledge.

Abram goes to the young man, embracing him briefly. “It will mean the arm is healed and that his constant pain will go away. Is that not worth the risk?”

Bucky nods, but it’s half-hearted. “Yeah, yeah, I guess so.” 

Abram is very impressed with Bucky and his ability to pick up the science of what’s being done, but he’s more impressed with how much the young man cares. He’s very charismatic, but under what appears to be brashness, there’s a heart of gold.

Bucky and Steve have dinner alone that night. Abram is exhausted and Sarah wanted him to rest some. Bucky fixes a dinner of leftovers from the fridge and then the two men end up on the sofa, watching mindless TV. “I’m worried.”

Steve looks over and Bucky is staring at his own hands. “About what?” He slides down the sofa, but still leaves several inches between them.

Bucky reaches out, pulling his friend into his side. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Steve’s talked to his father about the side-effects and how they don’t really know what all may happen. “What if it’s something bad, Steve?”

“Then we’ll deal with it like we always do.” Bucky turns, so he can see Steve’s face. His mouth opens, then closes again. “What is it, Buck?”

“You gotta promise me that…” He stops, blushing. His eyes go to the coffee table and not on Steve anymore. Steve cups his cheek, turning his face and they lock eyes. “If anything feels off, you make sure we know. I’m not going to try to figure out this new world you dragged me into alone.”

Without thinking, Steve leans forward, kissing Bucky’s forehead. “I promise I won’t leave you alone.”

Bucky nods and pulls Steve’s head into his lap. With fingers running through his hair, Steve relaxes. He lets all of the sensations wash over him and doesn’t think he’s ever felt this good. Arm or not, he’s never been this content. As he drifts into sleep, he could swear that he feels Bucky’s thumb caressing his cheek.

Two days later, they give the serum to Steve. Bucky holds his hand through all of it. Steve lapses into sleep when the initial pain is over and they carefully put him to bed as the new serum starts to heal his arm. Bucky doesn’t leave him until he’s comfortably asleep, then heads back to the lab to check the readings from the procedure. Taking a deep breath, Bucky centers himself for the anxiety he’s feeling. He’s learned a lot in the last six months and wants to help in any way he can if something goes wrong. It doesn’t appear that there are any side-effects from the procedure, but he’s going to go over the readings as many times as it takes to make sure.

**_Present_ **

He doesn’t really feel like eating, but Steve also doesn’t want to take up space that paying customers could be using, so he orders the Rueben and finds a seat in the back. There’s a prickle under his skin and he knows it has to do with whatever this is, so he looks around trying to spot anyone that could be watching him. 

There isn’t anyone.

The bell above the door chimes, looking up, he sees Bucky coming towards him. It’s so obvious that this is a Bucky that’s not from here. This guys leaner than his Bucky and the hair is short, almost like how Bucky worn it during the war. His left arm is flesh and blood. He also has a light in his eyes that his Bucky didn’t have. He’s a beautiful sight to see. Steve swallows hard at that thought.

He seems hesitant and Steve hates that, but he also doesn’t want to get too close in case this is a trap and he has to get out of fast.

Steve stands, causing the chair to scrape across the floor. Bucky stops a few feet from the table. “Can I sit?” Steve nods and he eases into the chair while Steve pulls his back to the table and sits. “How are you?”

Steve huffs a mirthless laugh. “How do you think I am? I got up this morning to find my mother, who died decades ago and she’s married to the man that did this to me.” He indicates his body. “And that was in ’41 and I watched him die the same day. Then, you walk in.” Steve leans back in the chair, dragging his hands down his face. 

“You have every right to be defensive.” Bucky closes his eyes for a minute, just breathing. This is so much worse than he thought. “I didn’t think the side-effects would be this extensive.”

Steve narrows his eyes. “What are you talking about? Side-effects from what?”

Bucky looks down at Steve’s plate and then over to the menu. “I’m getting something to eat. We haven’t been here in a long time and I miss the pastrami.” 

He comes back not long after, sitting his plate on the table, and sliding back into his chair. “Start talkin, Barnes.”

“I will if you eat too.” Bucky uses the pickle spear to point at Steve’s plate. “You eat and I’ll fill you in.” They take a few bites in companionable silence when Steve gives him a look. “Okay, fine, but for once in your damn life would you just let me tell you what’s going on without losing your shit and questioning every little thing?”

Steve smirks because that’s so Bucky. “Yeah, I’ll give it my best shot.”

He begins with what Steve told him about the battle in Wakanda. How things weren’t going well, then there was a turn in the tide, but he lowers his voice and tells him about the Bucky he knew and Steve freezes for more than a few minutes. Bucky lets him get himself under control before continuing. He tells Steve about the stones and how when he thought of Bucky, they seemed to know where to take him. “I was going to die or worse anyway, but you figured pulling me out was the best thing, I guess.”

Steve’s eyes are still watering. “I’m glad I did.” Bucky can see the guilt playing on his friends face.

“I’m glad you did too, pal because this new world is in-fucking-credible.” Steve snorts and Bucky watches how everything from before melts away and joy settles in its place.

“And Ma and Dr. Erskine?” Steve sees Bucky’s face fall and wonders what that’s about.

“You brought me here and decided that you wanted to see your Ma and the Doc too. Seems that the stones can read what you’re thinking about and feeling. You ended up in a timeline where they met when you were a baby, they fell in love, and got married.” Bucky says it offhanded while eating a chip.

“What about _that_ Steve?” Bucky explains about that little Steve Rogers. “oh.”

“Yeah, so you brought them here after a group of guys tried to kill them. That was six months ago.” He pauses, but Steve keeps quiet because he knows his friend has something more to say. “You started calling him Pop. The team loves them and they love the team too.” Bucky throws his sandwich onto the plate, sitting back frustrated and annoyed. “Fuck!” Steve gives a miniscule jump. “Sorry, it’s just a lot of really good stuff has happened over the last six months and you’ve lost it all.”

Steve reaches down, scratching his arm again. The pink skin has faded some. “What happened to my arm? Was there a fight?”

“Oh, no, see the gauntlet you were wearing destroyed your arm. It wasn’t ever going to be useful to you again, so Abram came up with a serum that could be added to yours to heal the arm. It itches because it’s healing.” Steve looks down at the arm and Bucky watches him working through everything he’s sharing. “Steve, the new serum is the reason you can’t remember anything.”

“Wait, so I haven’t been able to fight for six months? How is the team dealing with that?” Bucky chuckles, drawing a smile from Steve, because of course the heroes concern is about the fight…always the fight.

“Well, you aren’t Cap anymore, so you didn’t need to fight.” Steve’s head jerks up from the bite he was taking and he sits stunned. “Yeah, you gave the shield to Sam.”

“Willingly let the shield go? That wasn’t a decision by the team?” Bucky shakes his head with a half smirk on his face. 

Realization dawns on Steve, all of this is because of him. He thought someone was doing this _to_ him when in fact, he did this to everyone else.

They return to the Tower after dinner and Steve walks in with the posture of a little boy that thinks he’s going to be in trouble. He doesn’t hesitate when his mother comes to him, hugging him. He also lets himself be enveloped in a hug by his…father. Bucky sniggers behind him and Steve gives him a glare, but then can’t help the smile that follows.

He sits with the team and his family, watching everyone’s faces trying to assess his current situation. “How much do you remember?” Natasha watches him closely.

“Nothing after the battle in Wakanda.” They all start to speak, so he continues. “Bucky filled me in on what happened. I’m sorry that I don’t remember any of it.”

Sarah looks at her husband. “Is it possible that he’ll remember after time has passed?”

“I can’t say. It’s possible, but it is equally possible that the serum repaired everything from the moment the gauntlet was on his hand.” Abram gets up, fixing a drink. “How are you feeling otherwise, Steven?”

“I feel good, the arm itches still, but just a little.” There are blank stares by everyone. Everything that’s happened over six months for Steve it’s just not there anymore. There’s sadness behind some of the eyes in the room, Steve’s included. Bucky puts a hand on his shoulder in quiet comfort.

He goes to bed that night and looks around the room. The quilt on his bed is new, the pictures on his nightstand are new. He reaches over, picking them up. One is him, as a kid, on Dr. Erskine’s shoulders, his Ma next to them. The smile on the little boy’s face tells Steve everything he needs to know. They were a family in some other timeline. Little Steve got to know what loving parents were like. He got to feel joy and not the constant struggle of just living day to day. The other is the four of them, his Ma, Dr. Erskine, Steve, and Bucky. They are smiling with arms around each other. Dr. Erskine is behind Sarah, Steve’s on one side and Bucky’s on the other. They’re leaning in, kissing her on opposite cheeks. Her smile is bright and truly happy. He places them back on the nightstand.

Pulling his knees up, he wraps his arms around them, staring into the dimly lit room. “FRIDAY, can I get a video diary of the last six months?”

‘What are the parameters?’

“Anything I’m present in.” Resting his chin on his knees, he hopes that this will at least fill in the blanks enough that he can function. He wants that so much. He wants what he sees in that picture.

‘They’re on your tablet, Captain Rogers.’

He picks up the tablet and starts going through the footage from the last six months, starting from the oldest. He’s not even halfway through it by morning, but it does give him an idea of what this group has turned into. He also notices a few instance with just him and Bucky that are…interesting. A closeness that is _more_. He thinks about his thought in the deli.

“Did you sleep at all?” Bucky’s standing in his doorway, leaning on the frame, arms crossed over his chest. He sleep rumpled and cozy in a way that Steve doesn’t think he’s ever seen. Before the war, he was always tired from working too hard and after everything he was too haunted.

Looking up, he smiles because this Bucky has been missed. “No, I…” He blushes, wondering how to explain it. “I don’t like that I don’t know what’s happening.”

“You never did.” Bucky pushes off the frame and heads into the kitchen. “I’m fixing coffee.”

As Steve gets up, he hears the lift ding. “Whatever mess you’re about to make in the kitchen is unacceptable, James Barnes.”

Bucky barks a laugh, making Steve chuckle to himself. “I would _never_.”

There’s that lilting laugh from his mother. “Should we discuss that homemade pizza fiasco?”

Steve just stands in his bedroom, listening to two people he loves more than anything pick on each other. He jumps when the voice from the door speaks. “Would you mind if I checked your arm, Steven?”

Steve smiles warmly, holding it out. Dr. Erskine…Abram…Pop, comes over, turning it to and fro. “I missed you.”

Abram looks up, surprised. “You’re a good boy. Always were.”

Suddenly, Steve doesn’t care about what he does or doesn’t remember, he’s just happy to be here now. And after watching the videos of the first couple of months, he knows this is his family. They built that, it took time, but they built family. He hugs the man in front of him. “Thank you for making her so happy.” They join the other two, still bickering in the kitchen. 

For the next several days Steve keeps to himself. It isn’t that he means to be antisocial, but he needs to get through the videos that FRIDAY put together for him. Bucky seems to understand and leaves him to it. Going every day to Abram’s lab to help out with new ideas the man has come up with. After having discovered all the diseases that have been cured, Abram studies each one, educating Bucky on what to look for. The younger man starts putting together a data base for Dr. Erskine. 

The four of them have breakfast every morning, as usual, but after that Steve is left to his own devices. The evening of the third day, Steve is almost done going through everything when the lift dings and his Ma comes in. Bucky’s working late with Abram, so Steve knows he won’t be back for awhile.

“Have you finished your research yet?” Steve looks up, smiling, which she returns.

“I have a little bit left, but it can wait.” Placing the tablet on the side table, he looks down at his arm, now fully healed. “It was bad, huh?”

She sits on the ottoman in front of him, looking at his arm. “Back before, I’d seen burn victims, but nothing like that. It was very hard for your father and I to see you in that condition.”

“When did he become my…f-father?” Something in his face tells her what he’s really asking.

“Well, for my other son,” She swallows hard, closing her eyes for a minute. “He became his father on Steven’s fifth birthday. He brought Steven a set of paints, much more expensive than anything I could have afforded before we were married.” Steve looks confused because it sounds like Dr. Erskine bought the little boys affection. And like any mother, Sarah knows exactly what he’s thinking. “Oh now, it had nothing do to with the money, it had to do with Abram not caring that Steven couldn’t play sports or run around the playground, it was the first time little Steven knew that Abram saw him and not an expectation.” Steve tears up because that’s all he ever wanted, even now. “As for you, well…that was a little different.”

Obviously, it was different because they came together after everything, after Steve went back and saved them, bringing them here, but he’s not sure that’s what she means. “Ma?”

“Well, you have to understand, from everything Bucky tells me, you grew up with me talking about Joseph so much, he became real to you, so you had to get passed the feeling that you were betraying your biological father to accept this new person.” Steve nods, he remembers those stories vividly. “But you see, in my timeline it wasn’t like that.” Steve quirks an eyebrow in question. “You see, Joseph Rogers was a good man, but he was distant with Steven as a baby. It was obvious that you had very extensive health issues and he didn’t know what to do with that. Then he died in the war and it was just you and me. I was perfectly okay with that. You were still a baby, just under a year old. I got a better paying job at a new hospital, but not nearly enough for your health issues.” She leans in, taking his hands. “It was hard. I was always fighting for better care for you. At work one day I got angry at a doctor for talking about you. He didn’t know I was on shift. I’d had you in the week before with an infection and this man treated you. He talked about you like you were a burden and if I’d just let you die, things in my life would be better.” She chuckles. “I was ready to knock him into the next week when Abram stepped in and did it for me.” She chuckles again, causing Steve to echo the noise. “He told the man he’d taken an oath, swore to care for all. He and I became friends after that.” 

“He’s a good man. Always was, even in this timeline.” She pats his knee.

“He didn’t push you when you brought us here. He knew that you had to come around on your own. But just like my little Steven, when you realized he didn’t see Captain America, the perfect soldier, but Steve Rogers, the good man, you were able to open up to him.” She reaches up, cupping his cheek. “You see Steven, he would have been completely happy if you had spent your life being an artist. He never had any expectations of you. He wanted you to find your own path. That hasn’t changed.” Clasping her hands in her lap, she lowers her head. “This world hasn’t been kind to you. That makes my heart ache. No one should have to go through as many heartbreaks as you have endured.”

God, how he’s missed this woman. Leaning forward, he envelops her in a hug. “But look what I have now. I have you and Pop and Bucky.” He gives a watery chuckle. “And from what I’ve seen, I have a family I wasn’t aware of. Maybe I’ll never get those memories back, but we can get there again.”

He finishes watching the videos that night before bed. He goes back and watches from a few days before the serum. He and Bucky are in the conference room. He watches as he caresses away frown lines in his friend’s forehead. He watches as his hand comes down to cup his friend’s cheek. He watches as Bucky’s face goes so soft it squeezes Steve’s heart. He watches Bucky caressing his arm. He watches from later that same night, lying on the sofa, Bucky’s fingers in his hair. There’s something there that he’s never seen before. It makes his heart flutter and feel light.

Steve sits patiently, a few days after, as Natasha trims his hair. He’s finally cutting away the length, but refused to give up the beard. “Why the beard?”

Steve looks up into the mirror as she carefully trims the sides of his hair. “Because Captain America wouldn’t have a beard and Steve Rogers likes it.”

She smirks, but doesn’t look away from what she’s doing. “I like it. I think it looks good on you.” All Steve can think about is if Bucky likes it or not. He’s never said and Steve’s never ask. “What does Barnes think of it?”

Sometimes Steve is sure that Natasha can read minds. “I don’t know. He didn’t say.”

She’s smirking again and that means trouble. “You ever going to tell him?”

“Tell him what?” He knows what she’s doing, but isn’t going to play into it, so he’ll just play dumb.

“That you have more than brotherly feelings for him.” She stops her work, staring hard at Steve. She’s daring him to lie about this.

Instead of playing that game, he answers honestly. “No and I’m not sure I will. I’m coming to grips with it myself. I don’t think I can bump it on him, if I’m not sure what I’m doing.”

Surprisingly, she doesn’t challenge that, just nods, adding, “Yeah, I get that.” She checks the length on top, focused on that and not on his beet red face. “Did you feel this way about the other Barnes?”

Steve takes a heavy breath, blowing it out. “No, I never felt this way about him. He was my friend, my best friend, my brother, but this feeling is new.”

She still doesn’t look him in the eye. “Good, I would hate to think that you’re just transferring old feelings.”

She makes a very good point.

The whole group is sitting on the common floor, having finished dinner and debating what movie to watch. Sarah and Abram are all for watching something old, something they are familiar with, but everything from _Star Wars_ to _10 Things I Hate about You_ are also up for discussion. Wanda pipes up, looking a little embarrassed, but suggests _Pride and Prejudice_. She gets several odd looks, but just shrugs. “I can’t help it. That scene where he walks through the fog, it just gets me.”

She looks over at Clint, who everyone is sure will nix that quickly. “Aw…fine, we’ll do that one.” She’s always been able to get what she wants because Clint loves her like his own daughter. She squeals and claps her hands. “I am so whipped.” Natasha giggles at him and brings up the movie.

FRIDAY dims the lights, Sarah snuggles into her husband’s side and popcorn is passed around. Steve’s half paying attention and half watching Bucky. He doesn’t mean to, but since talking with Natasha, he’s very aware of his feelings. They still talk, laugh, and pick on each other, but when Bucky isn’t looking, Steve can’t help, but appreciate how free this Bucky is. The one he fought for was so worn down by the life he was forced to have. Sam leans over from his chair, tapping Steve’s foot. When Steve meets his eyes, he mouths ‘you okay?’ Steve just nods, but in that moment he knows what he has to do.

At breakfast the next morning, without looking up at his family, he makes the announcement. “I’m going to Wakanda for a couple of days.” Three sets of eyes look up stunned. “I talked to T’Challa last night and he said I was welcome there any time. I have something I need to do.”

“Steven?” His Ma looks at him worry in her face.

“It’s okay, Ma. It’s important.” Everyone is quiet after that, but Steve can feel Bucky’s eyes on him. He knows there’s a conversation coming, but he needs to do this. And he needs to do it alone.

After working out with Clint and Natasha, Steve goes to the café downstairs for a coffee, where he finds Bucky already waiting. He chuckles, but takes the offered cup. “We’re going to talk about this.”

“I know. I was expecting it.” They sit at a table in the far corner. Steve stares at the lid on his cup.

“What’s this all about? You’re Ma and Pop are pretty nervous.” Bucky’s trying to catch his eye, but Steve keeps his face down.

“I need to say goodbye. Not sure why I didn’t go before. Maybe I couldn’t. Maybe I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.” Steve hears a sharp intake of breath and finally looks up.

“You loved him a lot, didn’t you?” There’s something so sad in Bucky’s face. Steve wants more than anything to sooth that away. He wonders if Bucky thinks this is about being in love with the other him.

“Yeah, he was my family. He was the only family I had for a long time. Somewhere along the way, he became the brother I always wanted.” Steve looks out the window, watching the people go by. “I fought for him in a way that I wouldn’t have for anyone else. I just wish I could have really saved him.”

A hand rests on his where it rests on the side of his cup. The look on Bucky’s face is even sadder now. “You go do what you need to do. We’ll be here when you get back.” He knows that Bucky doesn’t really understand and Steve doesn’t know how to explain. Since waking up that day, Steve felt his affections swaying towards Bucky, he watched it in the videos. He saw it unfold for that Steve, the one that he can’t remember being, and once he recognized it for what it was, before Natasha asked, he knew that at some point he’d have to confront it with Bucky. But before he can do that, he has to say goodbye to his brother. He doesn’t know why he loves this man, sitting across from him, like a lover and never felt that way about the other, it just is.

Steve lands in Wakanda the following afternoon. T’Challa shakes his hand, smiling. Shuri throws herself into his arms while Ramonda laughs in the background. “Thank you for letting me do this.”

“He is exalted in my country for being an honorable man who protected this land.” T’Challa smirks. “You are as well, Captain. You may find that my people show you adoration you are not comfortable with.”

“You would have done the same.” T’Challa nods and Steve follows him into the palace.

“Yes, that is true, but you could have left us to our own devices and you did not.” Ramonda doesn’t usually address him, even before the war. “You stood with us, as did he.”

“He was a good man. Not everyone saw that. I’m thankful that you did.” She nods at his words and excuses herself, moving away from them.

“Shuri will take you to the site.” Steve looks over at the Princess, who is not smiling as she normally does.

“He came to me a broken white boy, but he left me without a brother.” Steve knew that Bucky had endeared himself to these people, but he didn’t know that kind of bond had formed.

Without meaning to, Steve tears up. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.”

Shuri takes Steve’s arm, leading him away. “I do not think you could have. He had given everything he had. There was very little left.” They continue on, silently after that.

She takes him into the city, through the bustling streets, and out to the countryside. They follow a narrow path, until it expands into a circular platform. At the center of the slightly raised area is a statue of the White Wolf, it’s eyes iridescent blue, it’s muzzle raised to the sky in mid-howl. Beneath it is a placard in black with gold lettering. 

**_James Buchannan “Bucky” Barnes_ **

**_The White Wolf of Wakanda_ **

**_Beloved Friend, Brother, Guardian_ **

**_2019_ **

Steve breaks down and sobs for his lost friend. He doesn’t know how he ends up on the ground or how Shuri’s arms come to be around him, but she holds him, shushing him, rubbing his back, and telling him it’s okay to let go. It takes time, but Steve finally cries himself out, pulling away, embarrassed by his behavior. Shuri sighs. “If you apologize for being human, I may have to kick your ass, Captain.”

Steve gives a watery chuckle. “I wouldn’t dream of it, Your Highness.” Steve looks around at all of the gifts and flowers left at the monument. Shuri sees him looking. “Every day new things are left here. There is one thing that I made for you, so this place would stay with you.” She pulls a necklace out of her pocket, cupping his hand and placing it there. “He will rest here for all the lives to come. He has been accepted into our ancestral plain, so he will never be alone.”

Steve looks at the necklace. It’s a small replica of the statue and his eyes spill over again. “Thank you for giving him a home and family.”

They are still sitting on the ground and neither seems to want to move. “He and I spend many afternoons talking. He did not treat me like I was too young to understand. I was grateful for that.” Steve nods. Bucky always liked talking to people, but in those last months, he closed himself off. “He told me once, not long before the war, that he was tired in a way that he did not understand. It was not a physical exhaustion, but an emotional one. He took pleasure in nothing after a time and closed himself off from everyone, including me.”

“Yeah, he did the same with me. I thought it was just me.” She shakes her head.

“Even the children could not get him to talk.” She turns, crisscrossing her legs, taking Steve’s hands. “Captain, he was already gone. Dying in that war was the best possible outcome.” Steve begins crying again. “My mother tells me that…that I am not sensitive to others when speaking. I do not mean to cause you more pain.”

Steve shakes his head. “It isn’t that. It’s just that…I should have seen this.”

“Aw…well…if you remember, he would not let you come to visit. Always made an excuse to keep you away.” Steve stares down at the necklace. It’s beautiful in black with gold inlays, like Bucky’s arm had been. “If the war had not taken him, he would have…”

Steve nods vehemently at what she’s trying to say. “I know, but I still feel like a failed him.”

She huffs a mirthless laugh. “You saved him, Captain.” Steve looks up, confused. “He left this world having reclaimed himself. If not for you, who he was would have been lost. You let him find himself again, gave him a safe place to do that, and I know he was thankful for that.”

“How can you be sure?” She stands, pulling him up as best as she can, and walks him closer to the statue. Taking him around to the opposite side there is another placard with a Kimoyo Bead embedded in it. She waves her hand over the bead and an image of Bucky appears. Steve wraps his arms around his middle, clutching the necklace tightly in his hand.

“Hey Steve, we’re going to fight some aliens soon and I wanted you to know if I don’t make it out of this alive, I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m better than okay with that. This world isn’t for me, I don’t understand it. But you, you’re the reason that I’ve kept going this long. You brought me home. All those times I took care of you when we were kids, you’ve paid it back ten-fold. Thank you for giving me back my mind and my past. You made me a human again. Don’t get all weepy about this because if I’m going to go, fighting is the way it should happen. You’re my family, my friend, my brother. Love you, Pal.”

Shuri holds him as he collapses again. “There are only two people that are able to access that message and you are one of them. If you wish to see it again, wave your hand in front of the bead.” She leaves him sitting on the ground. “I will close the monument until you are ready.”

Steve just nods as she walks away, giving instructions to the guards. He waves his hand in front of the bead and Bucky comes back. “Hey Steve, we’re going to fight…”

Steve watches it six more times before he’s ready to leave the area. The guards bow to him as he leaves. Walking back into the city, he slips the necklace over his head. A piece of his brother will always be with him. He knows he’ll come back here someday and maybe that day, he won’t be alone.

As Steve makes his way through the city, back to the palace, he notices people stopping, staring at him, and bowing. A little girl comes to him as he passes through the market and offers him a flower. It’s a magnificent bloom, nothing like he’s ever seen. Kneeling in front of her, she hugs him, kissing his cheek, and whispering, “Thank you.”

Her mother comes to retrieve her and when Steve stands, she sees the necklace around his neck. “He was a good man.”

Steve looks at the ground, eyes watering again, and nods. “I know. Thank you.”

She pats his cheek, smiling brightly at him. “You come back to Wakanda and next time, bring your smile. He is with King T’Chaka in the ancestral plain. There is nothing to grieve when he is with the great warriors.”

Stepping back on the palace grounds, he goes to find Shuri. She’s barking orders at the techs in the lab and he stands clear until she’s done working on whatever it is. When she sees him, she waves him over. “Our brother inspired me.” Steve looks on confused. “We are improving the technology that helped Bucky. People that have suffered all kinds of trauma, this will help them regain their memories and life.”

He wonders if this might be more than just saying goodbye to a friend. “Then I think we have something else to talk about.” Steve relays the story of his last six months.

She stands with her arms over her chest. “All of this has happened to you and I am just now hearing about it. Why would you not come here with your injury?”

Steve rubs the back of his neck. “UH...because I didn’t think about it.”

She smacks him in the arm and draws him to a nearby table. “So, you do not remember anything from the last six months, since you brought…another…Bucky…to…the…present?” With each word, she smacks him in the arm for emphasis.

“I didn’t come here to be abused!” She cackles with laughter while hugging him.

“No, you came for closure, but you will go home with more than that.” She pushes him to lie down, placing a headpiece across his forehead, resting at his temples. “Let’s see what we are working with.”

Steve returns home with a weight lifted from his shoulders that he didn’t know he was carrying and memories of the last six months. Well, truth be told, they are less memories and more impressions and feelings. The last six months have been mostly joy. There have been rough times, when he has to talk through everything about his lost friend, but mostly it’s pure happiness. The bonds he’s forged with everyone in the Tower feel solid and present. But most of all, there’s Bucky. Steve had been feeling the affection for him, but now that everything is clearer, he lets himself release the fear that was holding him back. He loves Bucky and he sure as hell is going to let the man know.

The Quinjet lands on the roof and Bucky is there waiting for him. He looks so young and beautiful in a way that takes Steve’s breath away. It’s in that moment that he makes the decision. Walking into Bucky’s personal space, Steve cups his face, stroking a thumb over the flushed apple of his cheekbone.

Leaning in, he rests his forehead against his best friend’s and whispers, “If I’m wrong about this, I’m sorry, but I gotta know.” Bucky makes a noise, like he’s going to respond, but before he can, Steve kisses him lightly. Waiting a few seconds for a reaction. When he doesn’t get pushed away, he leans in again, searching Bucky’s eyes for…something.

“Was it him?” Bucky’s searching Steve’s face for something too and the super soldier knows what it is.

“No, he was my brother. You’re so much more than that.” Bucky doesn’t hesitate and dives in to continue the kiss.

When they come up for air, Bucky rests his forehead against Steve’s cheek and clings to him. “How long?”

“I don’t know. It just happened. I just knew that I needed you in a way that I’ve never needed anyone.” Bucky sniffles and laughs. Steve can’t help but join in because it’s the happiest sound he’s ever heard.

“Let me take care of you.” Bucky’s voice is breathy in a way that Steve’s never heard before. 

Steve nods emphatically. “Yes, please.”


End file.
